One problem which I face, many times, is giving too much importance to people that are in the early stages of me getting to know them. From day one I might be ready to put in extra effort for that person, if the initial impressions were vibing with me. If the vibe matches I open up my gates and put efforts to bring that person into my inner circle.
What does putting effort mean? It simply means giving priority to them. Example: showing up for the plans, texting on time, etc. This would sound very basic but never take such efforts for granted. Be grateful if you have people around you who give priority to you.
I don’t know why I open up very quickly but this has been my nature for a long time and it is difficult to change. The thing is I don’t really want to change it.
There are some core values within each person which makes them unique. If you believe your values are true and good (make sure you are right on this one!) then protecting those values is very Important.
The advice people will give will be representing their core values which might not match with yours. People can give you ‘n’ number of advice but it is always you who has to take the final call. There is also a possibility that you might forgo a very high quality trait which you would have within yourself just because the results are not showing up.
The problem in following the advice: “Don’t give people so much importance” would be going against your naturist of trusting that person. You want to talk to that person because you like the vibe or enjoy spending time with them, etc., for that you have to show some effort/interest which one does by giving them importance.
Opening up with people or giving them importance in the early stages of getting to know them comes with its own problems.
- You are yet to discover more about that person
- Could turn out that person violates your core values
- The initial vibe you felt could be fake
But the serious problem comes when this feeling of importance is not reciprocated. This further gets super complicated when one gets mixed signals from the other party.
To uphold a good relationship with anyone, basic efforts should be put in: replying back to text, showing up for plans, showing interest, etc.
It hurts when someone fails to put in the basic efforts especially when you were looking forward to building that relationship. Recurrence of nil efforts soon makes you realise you did not qualify into the priority list whereas on the other side you waited alongside the opened gates of your inner circle.
Thanks to Pramit Dev Pandey for reading drafts of this.